I love this picture of my niece, Lilah, now one year old. Her birthday was in August and the little thing has grown SO much in the last year. It's been such a challenge to live so far away, only seeing her at a few different points in her short life. The picture above is from my last visit back in July. We went to a wading pool in Des Moines and later plopped Lilah into the swing before heading home. She was soakin it up and grinnin the whole time. What a sweetie!

I guess my last entry was in May, so it's been four months of life gone by! I figured I'd pick this back up again since there are many changes going on in our little world. I cant remember what I last wrote about, and am too lazy to back track and read about it. I do know that in April we found out that having children was going to be next to impossible. Finally, after waiting nearly two years to know what was wrong, it was a LOT of relief to finally understand the "why" part of it. Hanging on for two years with so many unknown's and questions was the heart wrenching part. I think having closure on it all allowed us (mostly me) to finally take the pain and heart ache head on, go through the mourning process with it, and move on.

There will always be a part of me that mourns the loss of an experience I've always anticipated having - from deciding how to surprise our parents with news of a grandbaby on the way, to feeling little kicks in my stomach as the little one would grow. There is a 0-5% chance we could experience that some point down the road, but I think for the moment, we have chosen to let go of that dream and look toward what God has planned for us. It is not what I wanted or expected, but slowly He is showing me why and how his plan is better for us.

I never planned or thought we would adopt. I guess when your dreams vanish, you're left with remnants of hope - that somehow you'll still be able to make that dream happen. At some point, I just had to surrender that dream to God, and know that as much as I wanted to control the situation, I simply could not. Though our infertility situation is an unfortunate result of living in a broken world and having broken bodies, God has turned this situation around for good. He has turned our mourning into something great, and has given us hope through the possibility of adoption.

We still have a long ways to go in preparation for this child, but we are hopeful and sure that this is the next step to take in our life. Right now we are at the point of narrowing down the choices for agencies to work through. And, we're working on the finance part of it too - it is no small fee! We are looking at a cost between $17,000 to $20,000 when it's all said and done. Thankfully, there are employee reimbursements through work, and government tax credits that will eventually cover what we pay out of pocket. The trick though is saving the money to pay for this outright.

So, here begins another journey for the Lemons! My goal is to complete the adoption within one year, which sounds possible according to my research. We are anxious and nervous and don't know what to expect, but are stepping out in faith that God will provide and lead us.